Hello, lovely reader! How are you? Gosh, it’s been ages, hasn’t it?
I would like to apologise on behalf of myself and my erstwhile laptop for the radio silence this week. On Friday, Calcifer unceremoniously died on me, and had to be taken to a computer repair place. And yes, I did name my computer after a character from Howl’s Moving Castle. He is back in action once more, thank goodness, so I can carry on talking to you lovely people.
Today’s blog is about clichés. We use them all the time, perhaps without even noticing how frequently we drop them into conversation, and we rely upon them to make our meanings clear. Clichés can be annoying, trite or even offensive, but they are also a tried-and-tested method of expressing ideas in a way that everybody understands.
Having said that, some clichés now seem to be a bit outdated or irrelevant to modern life. We still understand their meanings, but honestly, how often do any of us have any birds at all, let alone ones in bushes? With this in mind, I have decided to tweak a few famous phrases to better suit our needs.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose best friend has been scorned
It’s true that scorned women tend to be pretty angry, but their friends’ wrath is usually much scarier. The last time I found myself in a somewhat scorned state, my beloved flat mate Ash was livid, and she doesn’t really “do” anger very often. Potential scorners, beware: women are of the (absolutely correct) opinion that their best friends are beautiful, fascinating and lovable human beings – hence the friendship – and if you mess things up, they will come down on you like a furious ton of bricks.
A watched phone never beeps
I admit that I sometimes stand and watch a pot of water, getting cross because it just won’t boil. However, that invariably turns out to be because I forgot to switch the hob on, rather than my feverish anticipation affecting the laws of physics. In this day and age, communication technology has become the pot, and texts, Tweets and Facebook notifications are the bubbles we wait for. Particularly when we are interested in someone or we are waiting to hear about a job interview, we just can’t tear our eyes away from our screens. Well, it sucks but it’s true: waiting for something won’t make it happen. Put your phone down and make yourself a cup of tea.
Plenty more fish on the dating website
Those of you have read this blog about Tinder will recall that I’m not a huge fan of internet dating, but I completely understand why so many people are. I find the original cliché about there being an abundance of fish in the sea silly for two reasons: firstly, talking about fish either makes me want to watching Finding Nemo or eat smoked salmon, so I tend to get distracted from the task of finding said fish. Secondly, the unanimous response to “plenty more fish in the sea” is “I don’t WANT another fish, I want THAT fish!” Or boy, or girl, I guess. If you’re actually attracted to fish then we’re probably focussing on the wrong issue, here.
Anyway, the point is that finding new potential partners is daunting after a heartbreak. Even though I’d never use it myself, I think it’s kind of nice that people can browse internet dating sites to ease themselves back into romance and all that jazz.
When life gives you lemons, go and find the tequila
Who among us actually knows how to make lemonade out of lemons? Not me, that’s for sure. I do know how to do a tequila shot, though. I’m being flippant about some fairly sound advice, here: when bad things happen, find a way to make them work to your advantage. I totally agree with this idea, but I also think that sometimes all you can do is switch off. I’m not condoning binge drinking as a solution to life’s woes, but I do think that we should relax and enjoy ourselves when we can. Sometimes there just isn’t a way to get a positive outcome from a negative situation, and at those times all we can do is try to have some fun.
Well, it’s lovely to be back with you, dear reader. Have a fantastic day, and I’ll see you tomorrow.