Tag Archives: Richard Curtis

Richard Curtis Ruins Everything

Word-vomit

Good morning, you attractive and more intelligent than average person!  How’s the start of your weekend so far?

Today’s blog is about words and how we tend to misuse them.  As a writer and all-round pretty verbose gal, it feels a bit strange to be writing a blog post (using words, no less) about such a topic, but bear with me, because I think I can explain myself.  Having said that, I will be attempting to explain myself using, er…more words.  Flipping heck, this is going to be tricky…

We all have moments when we say something that we immediately wish we could take back.  You know the drill:

What your brain tells you: Hey, say this!  It’s witty, it’s apt and it’s actually pretty topical, too.  Saying this sentence will make you seem more attractive and intelligent to everyone in the room.

What actually comes out of your mouth: Something pretty obscure, mildly offensive and more than a bit weird.  People are now staring at you with slight fear and a lot of pity.  Back away slowly until you’re near enough to the door to make a run for it, and never see or speak to any of these people again.

When you’re tired, it gets worse.

Brain: Er…try saying this.  It might work. Who are we talking to, again?
What comes out of your mouth: Noises which are probably not even real words, and a bit of dribble.

And, of course, when you’re drunk:

Brain: Hey look, a random thought/complete overreaction/declaration of undying love!  Say that!!
What comes out of your mouth: a random thought/complete overreaction/declaration of undying love in glorious surround sound, probably a bit too loud and marred only by slurring.

Whether we’re sober, drunk or just too tired for proper sentences, we all say things from time to time that seem a bit silly in hindsight.  But when the conversation is truly important it feels so much worse to have messed it up.  Essentially, Richard Curtis films have ruined eloquence for all of us.   Even his most ridiculous characters manage to say the right words at the crucial moment (I’m looking at you, every Hugh Grant character ever), and that makes the rest of us feel bad when what we really need to do is just say “I’m sorry, I messed that up.  Can I start again?”

The other problem with this is that the person you’re talking to is the one who gets to decide whether or not you can have a second chance.  There are people in my life whom I love enormously, partly because they are kind, funny, interesting people, but mainly because they let me try again when the words I choose the first time around are not good enough.  I hope that you have people like that in your life, but more than that I hope that you are one of those people who give second chances.

Most of all, I hope that you have a glorious Saturday.

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Top Ten Lessons Not to Learn from Rom-Coms

Hello, lovely reader! Congratulations on being half-way through the week.  You’re doing great.

Today I’ve been thinking about romantic comedy films, and how quickly we are willing to exchange our common sense for warm and fuzzy feelings.  Don’t get me wrong: I love rom-coms, and Richard Curtis provides me and my friends with ample opportunity to waste an evening bewailing our boringly realistic love lives, but seriously.  The morals and attitudes encouraged by Hollywood’s happy endings are appalling.

If we actually examine the lessons in rom-coms instead of concentrating on the smouldering glances and mushy moments, we can see that these films are dangerous.  They could create a generation of women who will negotiate the dating world with all the skill and success of a neo-Nazi who has halitosis.  (This may be slightly melodramatic, but you know what I mean.)

As I said, I do love these films, but I also worry that there’s some murky moral ground being covered.  Here are some lessons that I really hope none of us learn from our favourite romantic comedies:

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1) Grease

If your boyfriend is nice to you when you’re alone and acts like an asshat in front of his friends, get a makeover and wear clothes tight enough to give you gangrene.  That’ll get him back.  Obviously, you are the one who is not good enough and you need to adapt to his shallowness.

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2) Pretty Woman

Go on the game.  A handsome, rich and charming man will inevitably sweep you off your feet and fall madly in love with you.  You will definitely not get pregnant, contract a horrible disease or be putting yourself in serious harm’s way every night.  Not even a little bit.

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3) Four Weddings and a Funeral

Be horrible to a guy for ages, sleep with him a bit, get engaged to someone else, sleep with him again, take him WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING and then turn up on his doorstep just after he gets punched in the face at the altar.  Also, lose the ability to notice basic environmental factors like whether it’s raining or not.

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4) Bridget Jones’ Diary

Waddle everywhere.  Colin Firth will totally fall for you.

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5) Serendipity

Let the amazing guy you just met get away because a piece of paper flew away.  Obviously it’s fate and not just the traffic passing you by in the middle of a New York highway.

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6) America’s Sweethearts

Keep quiet about your feelings for years, and then get annoyed with the guy without explaining yourself.  Also, spend your entire life slaving away after your bratty sister.  Way to respect yourself.

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7) The Princess Bride

When the love of your life reappears after a few years, completely ignore his height, voice and facial features.  A few inches of eye mask should completely obscure any idea you might have about his identity.  Sure, you love him, but you’re blind and deaf, ok?

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8) 10 Things I Hate About You

Lead a guy on for as long as you can, and only be nice to him when he’s gone through ridiculous amounts of nonsense to make you happy.  If your big sister has ideals and can be a bit snappy about them, make sure that you use her as a pawn in your relationship games.  Being manipulative means that you deserve your happy ending; after all, you’ve worked for it.  Or at least your boyfriend has.

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9) Friends With Benefits

Define what you want from your relationship with a guy, and then completely change your mind.  Make sure that he is unaware of this for as long as possible.  Remember, only a flash mob is enough to regain your attention, preferably in a busy train station at peak time.

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10) One Day

Keep chasing the unobtainable guy who probably wouldn’t make you happy anyway, and in the meantime settle for someone you don’t really love.  Also, change your accent a lot.

Have a great Wednesday, and please enjoy your rom-coms responsibly.