Tag Archives: reason

Ours is Not to Question Why

Good morning and happy Monday, you marvellous creature!

We like to understand things, don’t we?  We like to have a firm grasp of the whys and the wherefores, the cause and the effect.  Religion, science and Wikipedia all exist because the human race is obsessed with finding stuff out.

This extends, somewhat inevitably, to our personal lives: why did that relationship fail?  What made that friend drop out of contact?  Why didn’t the guy/girl we met last week call us when they said that they would?

We want to know the reasons behind emotionally affecting incidents because we think that they reflect upon us.  We think that if were were taller, better looking or more amusing that our emotional lives would be incredibly easy.  For insecure and unhappy people in particular, there is a very strong temptation to latch on to these upsetting circumstances as an excuse to highlight personal inadequacies: “Obviously the reason he never called is because I’m no good at small talk.”  “She probably thought I was being arrogant.”  “He could tell that I always put empty milk bottles back in the fridge.”  Obviously, this is not the case (except the milk bottle thing, which of course we can all sense at twenty paces).

Let’s be honest: sometimes we could have said or done more to make a situation better; we could have made more of an effort to be the best versions of ourselves.  But if we weren’t being our best selves with someone, don’t you think that there might be a reason for that?  When you really want a friendship or relationship to work, you want to be the best you can be for the other person involved.  If you’re not being that version, then you ought to think about why that is.

Conversely, we shouldn’t think too much about why other people behave the way they do.  We can’t do anything about it, and we can’t change people’s minds about us.  Sometimes it is very difficult to let go of a situation that you don’t entirely understand: “I’m still not sure why she broke up with me.”  “He just stopped texting; I thought it was going so well.”  “We’d been friends for years, and then we just lost touch for no reason.”  The sad thing is that – pretentious Shakespeare reference alert – “man is a giddy thing”, and sometimes people disappear on you.  They shouldn’t, because you’re wonderful, but they do.

And this is my point: if you’re going to question why something might be, don’t waste time worrying about other people’s motives.  Question yourself instead – you’re far more likely to get answers.  Don’t obsess over what that nice guy you met (but never heard from) didn’t like about you, or why your girlfriend suddenly decided that she preferred your best friend.  They’ve made their choices, and you may never get to find out why they behaved the way they did.  What you can find out is how you feel about things, why you behave the way you do, and what kind of relationships you are looking for in life.

On a far less serious (and much more adorable) note, here is a picture of a little girl seeing a penguin for the first time:

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Have a brilliant day.  I hope that you get to wear your favourite shoes.

The Best People in Your World

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Good morning to you dear reader, and congratulations on reaching your four-day weekend!  I hope that you have some lovely plans to keep you occupied during this unusually long rest period.

Being the soppy little so-and-so that I am, I sometimes get a bit sniffly just thinking about my friends and loved ones.  They are incredible people, and I seriously lucked out by meeting each and every one of them.  I hope that the people in your life are just as amazing (and that you are capable of thinking about them without getting all girly and emotional).  Today I’d like to identify some of the best people in all of our lives, because if I’m getting emotional then I’m taking you lot down with me:

  • The person you want to lie in bed and watch stupid films with
    It usually (although not always) takes a very specific amount of love, intimacy and trust to share a bed with someone, but especially on days when you are hungover, ill or just refusing to navigate the confusing world outside your duvet.  Lying in bed with someone watching a film is one of the greatest pleasures in life, and we should feel very glad to have suitable candidates for that activity in our lives (and beds).  This is particularly true of people who will not only allow but often suggest that the film is childish/terrible/ridiculous – for example, Ash and I have been known to cosy up and watch obscure Disney films on our duvet days.  We are also very partial to a musical film version of Cinderella called The Slipper and the Rose, which I heartily recommend to you the next time you’re in the mood for something silly.
  • The person who can make you laugh on your worst day
    I am slightly paraphrasing the Friends theme tune here, but it’s true.  Someone who can make you laugh – not just any laugh, but your real, embarrassing, uncontrollable laugh that only appears when something is incredibly funny – is a treasure.  If a person can take you out of your stress, sadness or generic turmoil, even just for a moment, you need to keep hold of them.
  • The person who remembers tiny things about you
    It’s probably because my own memory is so flipping appalling, but I am always touched when someone remembers a small fact or silly story about me that I wouldn’t have considered massively important.  There are certain things about ourselves that we hope our loved ones remember (allergies being a pretty important one, for example), but what makes up a person is a combination of the tiny things as well as the big ones.  If someone has taken the trouble to remember something seemingly inconsequential about you, it shows that they know and love the whole you, not just the obvious attributes.
  • The person who unknowingly makes your day
    We’ve all had the experience of walking past someone and overhearing a snippet of their conversation, or seeing someone being kind to another stranger in public.  People who don’t know you and will probably never talk to you have the capacity to make your day, and I am grateful to all of those individuals who have unknowingly made me smile.  My biggest thanks must go to the business man – complete with suit and briefcase – who did the Gangnam Style dance all the way down a platform at Marylebone station once.  Whoever you are, I salute you.
  • The person with their head screwed on
    I am not the most practical of people, and I tend to panic in the face of things like technical rehearsals, tax returns and pedestrian crossings.  For these moments (and many more) I invariably turn to Harry, the Operations Manager of my theatre company, excellent friend and all-round voice of reason.  If you are like me, I hope that you have someone just as sensible to calm you down in times of stress.  If you are like Harry, I hope you enjoy being the sensible one with the practical solutions.  To the rest of us, it looks like a super power.
  • The person who wakes you up with a ridiculous text
    There is nothing like starting your day well, and the tiniest things can make a difference: you could put on your favourite outfit, see something funny on the news or eat a delicious breakfast.  But what you really need is the kind of friend who will send you a ridiculous message like “What’s the plural of mongoose?!” before 8am.  That kind of message amuses you, intrigues you, and then it gets you straight out of bed to Google “mongoose”.  It’s mongooses, by the way.  Sounds like it should be mongeese, doesn’t it?  Anyway, the point is that ridiculous questions first thing in the morning are only ok between true and loyal friends, so make sure you appreciate those people.  You never know when niggling curiosity is going to strike you down.
  • The person who reminds you why you love what you do
    I really hope that you enjoy what you do.  I really hope that you like going to work at least most of the time, and that you have a passion to pursue.  More than that, I hope that you have people in your life who remind you that what you are doing is good, and that what you are aiming for is attainable.  I recently met a lovely lady called Angela at a directing thing in Stratford, and in the short time I’ve known her she has wowed me with her enthusiasm, passion for theatre and her generous support for what I’m trying to do with my life.  She hasn’t known me for long enough to “owe” me her encouragement, but she gives it to me anyway.  We all need someone like that.
  • The person who gives you butterflies
    Yes, alright – I know I’ve said that my friends and I don’t like fancying people, and that feelings in general tend to make us feel out of control, but I think that we all need to feel that way from time to time.  If you’ve met someone who makes you feel giddy and nervous that’s a bit scary, but it’s also exciting.   Where would we all be without butterflies?  Exactly.  We’d be caterpillars.

Have a magical Friday.