Hello, lovely reader! Congratulations on being half-way through the week. You’re doing great.
Today I’ve been thinking about romantic comedy films, and how quickly we are willing to exchange our common sense for warm and fuzzy feelings. Don’t get me wrong: I love rom-coms, and Richard Curtis provides me and my friends with ample opportunity to waste an evening bewailing our boringly realistic love lives, but seriously. The morals and attitudes encouraged by Hollywood’s happy endings are appalling.
If we actually examine the lessons in rom-coms instead of concentrating on the smouldering glances and mushy moments, we can see that these films are dangerous. They could create a generation of women who will negotiate the dating world with all the skill and success of a neo-Nazi who has halitosis. (This may be slightly melodramatic, but you know what I mean.)
As I said, I do love these films, but I also worry that there’s some murky moral ground being covered. Here are some lessons that I really hope none of us learn from our favourite romantic comedies:
If your boyfriend is nice to you when you’re alone and acts like an asshat in front of his friends, get a makeover and wear clothes tight enough to give you gangrene. That’ll get him back. Obviously, you are the one who is not good enough and you need to adapt to his shallowness.
2) Pretty Woman
Go on the game. A handsome, rich and charming man will inevitably sweep you off your feet and fall madly in love with you. You will definitely not get pregnant, contract a horrible disease or be putting yourself in serious harm’s way every night. Not even a little bit.
3) Four Weddings and a Funeral
Be horrible to a guy for ages, sleep with him a bit, get engaged to someone else, sleep with him again, take him WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING and then turn up on his doorstep just after he gets punched in the face at the altar. Also, lose the ability to notice basic environmental factors like whether it’s raining or not.
4) Bridget Jones’ Diary
Waddle everywhere. Colin Firth will totally fall for you.
Let the amazing guy you just met get away because a piece of paper flew away. Obviously it’s fate and not just the traffic passing you by in the middle of a New York highway.
6) America’s Sweethearts
Keep quiet about your feelings for years, and then get annoyed with the guy without explaining yourself. Also, spend your entire life slaving away after your bratty sister. Way to respect yourself.
7) The Princess Bride
When the love of your life reappears after a few years, completely ignore his height, voice and facial features. A few inches of eye mask should completely obscure any idea you might have about his identity. Sure, you love him, but you’re blind and deaf, ok?
8) 10 Things I Hate About You
Lead a guy on for as long as you can, and only be nice to him when he’s gone through ridiculous amounts of nonsense to make you happy. If your big sister has ideals and can be a bit snappy about them, make sure that you use her as a pawn in your relationship games. Being manipulative means that you deserve your happy ending; after all, you’ve worked for it. Or at least your boyfriend has.
9) Friends With Benefits
Define what you want from your relationship with a guy, and then completely change your mind. Make sure that he is unaware of this for as long as possible. Remember, only a flash mob is enough to regain your attention, preferably in a busy train station at peak time.
10) One Day
Keep chasing the unobtainable guy who probably wouldn’t make you happy anyway, and in the meantime settle for someone you don’t really love. Also, change your accent a lot.
Have a great Wednesday, and please enjoy your rom-coms responsibly.