Good morning, dear reader. Are those shoes new? They look ace.
First of all, I’d like to say a massive thank you to everyone who has contacted me to tell me how much they enjoy reading this blog. I am truly touched by the support I’ve received, and I hope that future posts will prove equally entertaining. One of the posts that I’ve received most praise for is this one about stuff my generation is too old to do, so I’ve decided to try the opposite approach and talk about things that people in their twenties are supposedly too young to do. (And yes, I know I’ve stolen the idea from an episode of How I Met Your Mother.) I think that this list might cause a bit more controversy, because I know for a fact that my friends do some or all of these things, but this list is according to society’s expectations of our generation more than our actual preferences. I personally think that most of these are fine for us to do, but apparently I’m just old before my time.
1) Go to bed before 9pm
As recently as 2011 I regularly stayed up talking nonsense with my friends until the unsociable hours of the morning, but these days I can rarely stay awake past pumpkin-transformation time. Occasionally a night out will go on too long and I will accidentally see the sun rise, but in general my attitude seems to have done a complete one eighty since childhood. Fifteen years ago, I would rage against the injustice of being sent to bed before 9pm. Present day, I grumble morosely if my social life obliges me to be out of the house after 9pm. I think I’m still tired after fours years of being a Drama student.
2) Wear slippers
Between the Spiderman/Thomas the Tank Engine/Bagpuss footwear phase of early childhood and the fluffy shufflers of old age, there is no socially acceptable footwear for those of us who like to keep our feet toasty while we potter around the house. But d’you know what? Socially acceptable be damned: I wear slipper socks most days and very few people have to see them. I’m wearing my favourite pair right now, in fact. They’re pink and stripy. Take that, society.
3) Have a mortgage
According to high-up financial people (i.e. the ones who lost all of our money in the recession), a quarter of people under the age of thirty live with their parents, and practically nobody in that age group can afford a mortgage. There’s also an argument to stay “free”, i.e. not tie ourselves down to long-term responsibilities, but actually this should come down to the individual’s preferences. Some people my age are still going travelling, and some are married with children. I personally am not ready for a mortgage, but I have friends who are and I am proud of them. Why shouldn’t they invest in their future just because some people their age are backpacking around Thailand? Why do we all have to be the same?
4) Play Bingo
Apparently this is an old person’s game, but I know a lot of people my age who enjoy it. Actually, I quite fancy having a go myself. That might be because I’m secretly hoping that it will be like the scene in The Mighty Boosh when Richard Ayoade and Noel Fielding turn up, but I’m sure it’s a fun game on its own.
5) Utter the phrase “Back in my day…”
This also applies to “When I was young…” and “Back in the good old days…” These days we speak of are not that long ago, but I don’t have to be an old lady to know that my youth was better than the present day: children were better behaved, reality television didn’t exist and social media hadn’t ruined the art of conversation. Obviously there are things that I quite like about the modern world: the internet is pretty handy, tolerance for different ethnic groups is better and at my age I can eat whatever I want for dinner. (I eat vegetables Mum, don’t worry.)
I think that most adults are a secret combination of childish wishes and elderly habits; nobody my age is a straightforward grown-up. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, though: I’m sure that the people who expect us to be taking drugs every night, renting trendy flats and eating instant noodles secretly miss owning Batman slippers.
Have a glorious Wednesday