Tag Archives: April Fools’ Day

Planet Party


Good morning, lovely reader!  I hope you’ve had a delicious breakfast this morning.  You did eat breakfast, didn’t you?  You have to make time for it, you know.  It’s the most important meal of the day.

Aggressively maternal advice out of the way, today’s blog is a very unscientific argument against a tragic scientific event: the declassification of Pluto as a planet in our solar system.  A few days ago my brother posted a link to this article on his Facebook page, not realising that it had been published on April Fools’ Day.  Even though we’re both in our twenties and are not particularly stupid (most of the time), it took our parents to point out to us that it was probably a hoax.  We were outraged, heartbroken and other completely disproportionate emotions.  Pluto should be a planet again!  Why?  I’m so glad you asked.  Here are my completely unscientific arguments for the reinstatement of Pluto as a planet:

  • Dear scientists, on behalf of my generation: STOP MESSING WITH OUR MNEMONICS.  Don’t make us waste weeks, months and years of our lives learning acronyms for stuff if you’re then going to change the whole damn thing as soon as we’re grown ups.  Everyone learned  “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas” (or something similar) to remember the NINE planets of the solar system.  It’s a deeply ingrained, wholly immovable bit of learning that you now want us to disregard after years of committing the phrase to memory.  What’s next?  Will we discover next week that Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain has to be changed because it turns out that orange is a figment of our imagination?
  • Apparently the main argument for declassifying Pluto was based on its size in relation to the other planets.  REALLY?  In this day and age we are hyper-paranoid about causing offense to anyone by even referencing their weight, height, race, colour, creed, sexuality or taste in music, but we can be sizeist about celestial bodies?  That’s ridiculous.
  • Also, the planets are all a bit weird in their own way.  If the solar system were a party, it would be insane: Mars would be the angry drunk, Venus would have dressed inappropriately for the time of year, Jupiter would be the guy who broke the chair he sat on, Mercury would be off his face on something, Saturn would be kitted out in a load of bling, Uranus would be the wallflower, Neptune would be the latecomer who brings more booze and Earth would be the overcompensating host.  Don’t tell me there’s no room for the short guy who’s buzzing about chatting to everyone.

There you have it: a completely ludicrous argument for something that does not affect our day-to-day lives very much, but that I feel pretty strongly about nonetheless.  I think it’s mainly because of the party analogy; the idea of excluding somebody from a shindig for any reason at all just seems wrong.

Have a brilliant Tuesday.  If you skipped breakfast, make sure you have lots of protein in your lunch.