Monthly Archives: May 2018

You Are Not A Sofa


Happy Tuesday, lovely reader.  Can I get you anything?  Tea?  Squash?  I know I’ve got some biscuits around here somewhere, hang on…

We are (for various reasons to do with a foaming-mouthed tangerine running the free world and our own dear Blighty government being a relentless gaggle of shitehawks) facing some very tough times.  I shan’t offend your intelligence by going off on a rant about it all, especially given that I’m far from savvy when it comes to global politics.  Oh look, I’ve found the chocolate hobnobs.  Take two, go on.

We as a gorgeous, confused and confusing species are prone to clinging to our routines at times such as these, reassuring ourselves with the comforting continuum of our habits and responsibilities.  Get up, check your friendship circle’s WhatsApp group, do your sardine impression on the Northern Line, close Facebook when your boss approaches your desk, eat a weirdly expensive lunch from Pret, go to the pub, do the washing up, call your mum, etcetera ad infinitum.  Ah, life.

One of the strange things about this routine machine is that we tend not to notice straight away when one of the cogs is, if you’ll excuse my language, completely and utterly buggered.  When our job stops being fulfilling or a relationship starts to fall apart it can take quite a while before we realise that the damn thing has rusted to dust and is causing all sorts of problems.  These situations arise for all sorts of reasons and there is no sure fire way to deal with them.  One person’s “I’m cutting you out of my life forever”, for example, is another person’s “let’s put some effort into this friendship and see if we can recover it”.  I’m not going to tell you which is the right thing to do, because obviously the right thing to do is dependent on who you are and what you want.  Help yourself to another biscuit.

The only thing I would like to tell you, you lovely thing, is that you are not a given.  You are not a given under any circumstances.  (That’s right, my dear: italics.  So you know I’m being serious.)  The other day I messaged my friend Abi saying that I missed and loved her and she replied “Aww, that was nice, what was that for?”  The answer I gave her was something along the relatively calm lines of “No reason, just saying”.  The real answer is actually “because you are brilliant and your friendship has changed my life and it would kill me if you ever thought that I took you for granted”, but I think that’s pretty clear as subtext, isn’t it?  It doesn’t take much to remind someone that you care about them.

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known someone or been at your job or lived in the same place: you are an autonomous, stunning, worthy individual who should never be taken for granted.  If you really wanted to you could completely change your life in a day.  (You don’t have to, obviously.  Put the sugar-free cook book down.)  When you are not sure what to do or how to fix one of those blasted, broken cogs, remind yourself that you are not a given.  You are unique.  You are not going to be around forever and your life is yours to do with what you bloody well like.  You are not furniture in someone else’s life.

You may as well finish the packet now, go on.  Have a wonderful day.