Dear reader, I am livid. (Not with you. You’re a legend.)
Given that we spend our entire lives being bombarded with logos, slogans, jingles, and all other kinds of advertising arse-aches, it would be easy to think that after a while the whole silly circus starts to pass us by. The brain can only take in so much information, and there’s a hell of a lot of marketing jargon about.
It is with an equal mixture of anger and joy, therefore, that I have seen my friends react with such fury to Protein World’s latest advertising campaign. If you haven’t seen it, it looks like this:
I am proud to say that the unanimous response to this horrendous advert seems to be: “YES I AM BLOODY READY. I LIKE MYSELF THE WAY I AM.”
I am so delighted that the constant dribble of drivel that is today’s advertising industry has not blunted my friends’ sense of righteous anger. I am so pleased that, despite the beauty industry’s best efforts, my friends are proud of their bodies. I am hugely satisfied to discover that not one person I know has suggested that any of us are overreacting to this. It is, purely and simply, not cool to make anyone feel unattractive.
D’you know what? It can be hard to like your body. It can be hard to like dimples, cellulite, body hair, scabs, scars, stretch marks, flabby bits, wobbly bits, moles, spots and eczema. Hard, but not impossible. Because nobody’s – NOBODY’S – body is (huge enormous sarcastic quotation marks coming up) “perfect”, INCLUDING THE MODEL’S ON THIS FLIPPING POSTER.
The Australian comedian Adam Hills has a brilliant set about a girl he knew who used to edit images for album covers, and how even an incredibly beautiful model was so “not perfect” that his friend had to edit out the model’s legs and draw new ones into the image. Even the girls who ARE (hang on for the enormous quotation marks again, team) “perfect” ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
So why on earth would the rest of us bother aiming for something so impossible (and ridiculous)? Even the women who daunt us daily with their flawless skin and flowing locks don’t actually look like their heavily-edited photographs, so what in the name of the Chuckle brothers does any of this have to do with us? Absolutely sod all.
I’ll tell you what you need to be “beach body ready”. You need sun cream. That’s it.
Have an amazing day, you naturally stunning human being.