Hello, you lovely thing! How goes the world with you?
It is very tempting to look back on certain life situations with regret, annoyance or even anger. We have all been known to look at past mistakes and wish that we had behaved differently, or that the outcome of certain circumstances had been different. I am actually a big fan of regret as a motivator, but I think that our main mistake in these cases is a failure to look forwards. Yeah, ok, we messed up – but it’s not the end of the world. We can always do better next time.
Previous errors or foul-ups can be broken down into three productive facets, which (shockingly enough) are based on the “shoulda woulda coulda” principle. We should have behaved in a certain way; we knew we probably would behave in another and next time we could behave in a third way. For example, I should have gone to bed early last night because I’m off to catch a train very early today; I knew I probably would stay out chatting to my sister for ages; next time I have an early start I could make the effort to get to bed at a reasonable time.
The idea behind this little trio of approaches is to give ourselves a break and admit that, yes, we may not have handled a situation to the best of our ability, but we can always improve. Just because you mess up once doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to do so over and over again.
For example: the last time you found out that your ex met someone new, you probably knew that you should have deleted them from your phone and Facebook. You knew that you would get annoyed and rope your friends in to bitch about it with you, but next time you could not even notice it because you’re so busy being happy and successful without the ex. Just a thought.
Or you might find that when a colleague lets you down or annoys you, you know you should talk to them calmly about it; being British you will probably smile with ice-cold politeness at them, but next time you could ask them what on earth is going on. It could equally be that you should only stay out for one drink; you knew you would get stuck having a second or third, and next time you could just say no entirely.
Here’s the most important one: when we say we’re going to have a good time, we should, we would and we absolutely could just have a really bloody good time. We are so susceptible to getting caught up in our own heads and worrying about the mechanics and the “well, you know what happened last time I wore this dress/drank red wine/went to that person’s house”. Get rid of all of those associations and just enjoy yourself.
I really hope that this post has made some kind of sense. I’m very tired right now…basically, I think you should enjoy your life. Don’t get hung up on previous faux pas. If you know what you should have done, will probably do and could do to get the best possible outcome, then you’re pretty much good to go.
Well, I’m off to Edinburgh. You have an inordinately joyful Wednesday.