Hello, and happy Tuesday to you, you gorgeous creature!
I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day about personas, and how what we present to the world doesn’t match up with what we’re actually like. Sometimes we come across well-meaning individuals who tell us that they can “see through” us, and that they know what we’re “really” like.
This is obviously infuriating for several reasons, not least because it’s pretty disrespectful not to take someone at face value. Of course we all have many layers and sides and depths that we don’t reveal in everyday conversation, but I think we’re all at an age when we have arranged our social personas to be a good balance of what is accurate and what is acceptable.
Only a very few people in our lives are allowed to say that they “see through” us (and a good way of identifying them is that they very rarely feel the need to tell you so). There are people in all of our lives whom we never want to lose, if only because they know too much about us. It can be alarming and disarming to realise that your friends and loved ones understand some supposedly secret things about you, but I think that if we take a closer look we will see that this is an excellent thing. Here are a few things that our true friends know about us:
What We’re Like When We’re Drunk
The friends who know you best will be able to tell at twenty paces how many drinks you’ve had, and in some cases what those drinks actually were. (“Good Christ, she’s absolutely gone. Must be between seven and nine ciders.” “No, she’s only had six, but there was definitely a Jägerbomb between four and five.”) While this can be annoying in terms of next-day debriefs, it’s also a very valuable asset. Your friends know exactly when to humour your tipsy ramblings, dissuade you from drunk dialling, pour you into a taxi or even pour you another drink. (That last one depends on how drunk they are in comparison to you, of course.)
When We’re Not Ok
It would be lovely to be able to go through life appearing as competent, happy and organised human beings, wouldn’t it? A lot of the time, even when we are feeling very far from alright indeed, we can fool a lot of people into assuming that everything’s fine. People who love us can always tell when we’re faking a smile or pretending to have fun, and it’s sometimes difficult to admit to when we’re trying to keep ourselves together. You must know that feeling when someone offers you a hug and you refuse, just because you know that you’ll cry if you say yes? Well, let’s all agree to stop doing that. Take the hug.
When We’re Lying
I’m not suggesting that we’re all terrible fib-tellers, but our closest companions can always tell when we’re not being entirely truthful. That might be when we’re umming and erring, trying not to offend them with our honest opinion, or when we’re being falsely bright with a person they know we can’t stand, or when we answer “yes” to the question “are you sure you don’t want seconds?”
What Our Weaknesses Are
Someone who has been in your life for a long time knows what your Achilles’ heel is, even if you’ve never explicitly revealed it to them. It might be a particular food, a favourite film or even another person, but don’t forget that your real friends always know. For example, my friends know that I am easily placated by shiny things (up to and including tin foil). The great thing about weaknesses is that sometimes you discover that you share yours with someone you care about, which makes them more fun to indulge in.
I think that the main problem we have with our friends being so flipping knowledgeable about us is that it can make us feel vulnerable, and their understanding of us does sort of undermine the persona we present to the world. Having said that, it’s only by being vulnerable with the people who love us that we are able to be who we actually are. It’s so much better to let people in on your secrets than it is to go around pretending to be normal all of the time.
Have a glorious Tuesday.