Hello and welcome to Wednesday! I hope your week is treating you extremely well so far.
Last night two actor friends of mine came round for the first rehearsal of a short play that we’re performing in Camden in April. The piece is about two people whose friendship is on the rocks, because they’re no longer sure what they want from each other. The rehearsal went really well and we had a lot of fun (especially a certain unnamed actor who got a very serious case of the giggles), but we also had a very interesting discussion about relationships, friendships and how our feelings make us behave.
As you can see, we took the rehearsal very seriously. Anyway, as those of you who read yesterday’s blog will already know, my friends and I are not fond of fancying people. It’s difficult and stressful and it makes us feel unnecessarily girly (and yes, that includes my male friends). Apart from the obvious vulnerability that goes with having feelings for someone, I think that one of the problems my generation has with the entire dating thing is that it makes us feel like we’re still sixteen. Even in our mid-twenties, when we have a fair amount of emotional experience under our belts, we’re still not entirely sure what we’re doing or what the other person is thinking. That’s hard to process. How can we not have conquered this in a decade?
We as a generation have been programmed to aim high: we’re fighting against a tidal wave of economic uncertainty, we have to fight hard to get jobs (and even interviews) in a way that not many generations have had to do before, and we are annually told that our excellent A Level grades don’t mean anything. Of course the exams are getting easier; why would we be getting cleverer or more conscientious? It’s not like we’re trying to succeed at life or anything. OH NO WAIT.
If we are so good at working hard for professional success, why are we so bad at coping with our personal lives? When we were discussing this last night, one of my actors made a very good point: to a certain extent, we have control over our professional progress. We might not always get the jobs or the opportunities that we want or think we deserve, but to a degree fate favours the people who put the hours in. When it comes to relationships, friendships and other people in general, we have absolutely no control over how they feel about us. Sure, we can dress nicely, smile a lot and be the best possible version of ourselves, but there’s no equity involved: being as awesome as you can be doesn’t guarantee that someone will like you. Unfair, but true.
The bizarrely reassuring thing about this whole situation is that it gives us all a level playing field: nobody feels completely sorted when it comes to this stuff, and even the highest-flying executive can be baffled by a crush. We have learned a lot since we were teenagers, but no one has yet conclusively proved how feelings work, so at least we’re not alone in our confusion.
Have a wonderful day, and make sure you have something delicious for dinner.